When we are offended, feelings of hate, dreams of vengeance, or misguided feelings of righteous indignation poison our minds and spirits. I didn't know Julie is now Dr. "In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to … Corianton is mentioned by name among those missionary sons who were teaching, baptizing, and helping to bring peace and prosperity to the land. Some people and groups have being offended down to an art. Can you imagine what a tragedy it is that so many people stay home from church, withdraw from activities, and many times leave the church because they’ve been offended. She had told her parents about the abuse a few years after the incidences had occurred. He assumed that I had never been LDS and upon finding out that I was a non-believing “inactive” member and finding that I wasn’t going to be easily convinced to return said, “well who offended you?” They told her that what happened was wrong and instructed her not to go to the neighbor’s house anymore. Alma’s son Corianton was guilty of committing serious sin while serving as a missionary. There is no such animal. “The nature of our response to such situations may well determine the nature and quality of our lives, here and eternally.” (Ensign, Jan. 1974, p. The luxury car with the flat tire is obliterated in a ball of fire. 40 quotes from David A. Bednar: 'Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. Home Evening Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect. I've often used the "don't choose to be offended" line as a measure on others. That person who has not forgiven a wrong or an injury has not yet tasted one of the sublime enjoyments of life.” (Ensign, Nov. 1983, pp. For example, Shimei cursed David, threw stones at him, and mocked him. Here are some ideas to consider in effort to expand our thinking about this important phrase: “You’re choosing to be offended” is counsel to apply to ourselves, not to apply to others. When you feel you have been improperly judged, falsely accused, or offended in some way, pause to reflect upon the person’s intentions. Because they didn’t show intense negative emotion or take additional action (like report the abuse to authorities, talk to the neighbors, discuss it with their church leaders, etc.) When I told her I no longer believe in the truth offered by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my mother reacted by telling me she mourned me as if I had died. Here are a few examples of comments from public forums to illustrate the “you’re choosing to be offended” theme: “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. Hawaiiflower. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. Daily news, articles, videos and podcasts sent straight to your inbox. Just as modesty standards are designed to be applied to ourselves and those in our stewardship, it is also not our job to judge who should or should not feel offended by a given situation. It is a very fine example of King Benjamin’s natural man. This reeks of bitterness.”, “How about everyone just stops taking offense to everything? This is an essay on the symbolic meaning behind the LDS ordinance of the sacrament and is meant to uncover some of the obvious (but well hidden) symbolism behind the way the ordinance is currently being performed. Let’s stick to evaluating our own righteousness instead of calling out others for their weaknesses (real or perceived). “I spent all that money on it—and for what?”. We’ve all been offended. But that's awesome. (LDS stands for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It can prevent us from important information about ourselves when we use it to deflect responsibility. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? When we use the phrase “you’re choosing to be offended” there is often an implicit (or explicit) assumption that being offended is always a bad thing. I started toward the sandbox to initiate a parent’s perennial patching up, but before I had taken two steps, Brian reached out and hugged Scotty. But rather than being offended Mormons are viewing it as an invitation to set the record straight. Has Stress Become a Fixture in Your Life? But not "The Mormon Church". How would we feel if we had been unjustly criticized by a Church leader? 16:5–10.) 59–60.). We must be firm in our commitment and testimony of the gospel, in our sense of self-worth, in the knowledge of who we are, and in our sense of our divine potential. Then they both continued playing as before. It was easy to become offended, wasn’t it? (See John 13–17.) my client experienced a sense of aloneness and believed that her parents didn’t think it was really a “big deal.”. Despite the accusations, Pahoran was not offended; he understood and rejoiced in Moroni’s righteous intentions. “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19–20.). (See Alma 59:3.) On the other hand, continued Bishop Peterson, “forgiveness of others for wrongs—imaginary or real—often does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven. They’re oblivious in their ac… Moroni then sent another letter to Pahoran, this time criticizing him harshly for his “thoughtless stupor” in not supporting the armies: “It is because of your iniquity that we have suffered so much loss,” he wrote. (Alma 60:7, 28.) 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Ex-Mormon or post-Mormon refers to a disaffiliate of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) or any of its schismatic breakoffs, collectively called "Mormonism". In addition to being “swift to hear,” we should also be “slow to wrath.” It is easy to react quickly to offenses and to respond in like manner. All relationships are circular, and both people contribute to the dynamic. After a long letter criticizing Pahoran, Moroni concluded by threatening to come to Zarahemla to get the needed provisions himself, “even if it must be by the sword.” (Alma 60:35.). : when, according to us, someone is choosing to be offended). Elder Marion D. Hanks of the Presidency of the Seventy has said that the way we handle these situations may have serious ramifications: “What is our response when we are offended, misunderstood, unfairly or unkindly treated, or sinned against, made an offender for a word, falsely accused, passed over, hurt by those we love, our offerings rejected? And he needed to act upon it by repenting. How ridiculous to let them go up in flames when a flat tire momentarily disrupts our journey. When David later regained the kingdom, his men insisted that Shimei be put to death “because he cursed the Lord’s anointed.” David’s response shows his personal sense of worth and identity: “Shall there any man be put to death this day in Israel? LDS Gospel Discussion ; Being Offended Third Hour Forum Rules - Please be familiar with these rules before posting. Although we sometimes don’t like to admit it, the intent of someone’s criticism may be to help us. A blog about the life of a Stake President in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Is this relational pattern that would be helpful for me to explore? Abusive behavior, manipulative behavior, disrespectful comments and putdowns are just a few examples of times where feeling angry, resentful, and upset is a healthy response. (See 2 Sam. It can be used to minimize someone else’s pain. David knew who he was. 19:21–22; italics added.). What have the Church leaders said about choosing to be offended? What can I learn from this interaction that will help me to be more sensitive, compassionate and Christ-like. In online discussions about my article “30 Questions Nobody Has Asked My Husband” I noticed a theme in many of the comments: the phrase “you’re choosing to be offended” (or some variation of it) emerged over and over again in response to the article. Yet how many of us have allowed a relationship we have nurtured for years to go “up in flames” because of one careless remark? Luke 7:23 - And blessed is [he], whosoever shall not be offended in me. “You’re choosing to be offended” is not an excuse for our offensive or insensitive behavior. Telling someone that he/she is choosing to be offended or is too sensitive is a subtle way of shutting down a conversation in order to avoid taking responsibility. Was I being insensitive or manipulative in a way that I might not recognize? I was thinking what a great article this was and how succinctly the points were being made and how professional it sounded before I was aware of your credentials. For therapy services in Utah visit WasatchFamilyTherapy.com Sign in to follow this . Was he humble enough to be “slow to wrath”? “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. Do we, like the Lord’s disciples, need to work harder at not being offended? I also would like to say I enjoyed the comments by Sherilynn, about comments another person had written. In my clinical practice, I’ve seen many LDS people gloss over, minimize, or ignore certain behaviors that are offensive in an effort to be (or appear to be) “forgiving” to avoid conflict, and a myriad of other reasons. It has been several days since the article, which I loved, came out but I would like to make some comments. To sign up for Meridian’s Free Newsletter, please CLICK HERE. PSA, y’all: Being offended is a choice — but, contrary to what some people seem to believe, that doesn’t mean we can say whatever mean thing we want, then accuse other people of being too sensitive. Nov 11, 2019 - Explore Candice Leatherberry's board "Offended quotes", followed by 110 people on Pinterest. This can be a self-righteous way to minimize the experiences of others. It can also be used as a shield to avoid self-reflecting on whether or not we’ve acted offensively and need to make amends. Why not be willing to look at ourselves and learn about some of our individual and cultural blind spots, instead of pretending that we don’t have any? I recall working with a client who had been abused by a neighbor (also a ward member) when she was nine years old. As you are driving your new car home, you are interrupted by a thump-thump-thump. I find it interesting that this website lists being "offended" as the first reason in its list of explanations for people leaving the Mormon Church. This was a theme in my articles on modesty — our tendency to use counsel, quotes from leaders, and commandments as a measuring stick to judge others, instead of applying them to ourselves. Prev; 1; 2; Next; Page 1 of 2 . As he led the Nephite armies against the warring Lamanites, he sent a letter to Pahoran—the chief judge and governor over the land of Zarahemla—requesting reinforcements and food for Helaman’s army. The bottom reasons are being offended by someone or wanting to sin (alcohol, have an affair). Why should we be “swift to hear” advice, complaints, or criticism? You probably felt self-conscious about how you looked. In colleges, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend me and Christ-like are rude press release from. 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